Well well well. Lookie here. Saturday was my last birth control pill. I can't believe I've been on those things for three friggin months. I hate them. I don't ever want to go back on them and I mean that dammit. So here's to hoping and praying that after my period is over I will ovulate on my own. Please, please, please universe, please let my cycle return.
Also, I had an ultrasound last week because I was having some abdominal pain throughout my cycles. I had an awesome time with the dildo cam (yeah right). I am hoping it's nothing, but my doctor wanted to take the precaution just to make sure everything was a-ok in there. I am supposed to hear from her this week. SO fingers crossed that all is well in my ute.
Hope everyone has a great week. I hope it goes by fast.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Bad Blogger
I haven't blogged in a really really long time. I know, I suck heehee. Well tons has happened in the past couple of months, I'm not going to write all about it here, it's too much to keep up with and too much to write. Here are some of the more recent updates:
Yesterday I started my final pack of birth control. That means I have one month on these horrid things...and then we will be TTC again in Feb/March. I am hoping for a St. Patty's Day BFP, but I won't hold my breadth about it. I just bought a TON and I do mean a TON of OPKS (ovulation predictor kits) on ebay so I hope I just jinxed myself and I won't need to use all of them.
My hubs is working at a new location and it is part-time, but we are happy about this because he and two other guys are trying to start up their own company and this will allow him to do that. This is something my husband has wanted to for A LOOOONG time. Here is their website: Black Element Media. Please check it out and you can also become a fan on Facebook.
So far, it's starting out to be a good year and I am really looking forward to finding out what it has in store for us. This year, I turn 29 on June 29th which has to mean something good right? Hahahaa.
That's all folks. I will try and be a better blogger this year, I promise!!
Yesterday I started my final pack of birth control. That means I have one month on these horrid things...and then we will be TTC again in Feb/March. I am hoping for a St. Patty's Day BFP, but I won't hold my breadth about it. I just bought a TON and I do mean a TON of OPKS (ovulation predictor kits) on ebay so I hope I just jinxed myself and I won't need to use all of them.
My hubs is working at a new location and it is part-time, but we are happy about this because he and two other guys are trying to start up their own company and this will allow him to do that. This is something my husband has wanted to for A LOOOONG time. Here is their website: Black Element Media. Please check it out and you can also become a fan on Facebook.
So far, it's starting out to be a good year and I am really looking forward to finding out what it has in store for us. This year, I turn 29 on June 29th which has to mean something good right? Hahahaa.
That's all folks. I will try and be a better blogger this year, I promise!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tonight
I used to write poetry a lot. I haven't written anything since my loss in February. Tonight, emotions were running high and so I sat and my pen furiously scribbled on a white piece of paper. I am not a pro. I have never taken any formal classes...this is just me and it's how I write. I wanted to share because embedded in this piece are so many portions of my feelings right now. I need an outlet. Here you go...
_::BREAKING::_
Life is…
Fragile and soft
And we all want to dot
Our I’s and cross our t’s
Pay our dues
Less they increase our fees
Rushing
Brushing off the minutes
Dismissing smiles
From strange family
Blandly drinking our coffee
We treat the day oddly
And we don’t greet
The way
Old friends do
Life so fragile and soft
Walking away
Pushing astray
Connections
Disregarding love
Memories
Letting go of affection
It slips away
Fades to grey
And all is uneventful and
Dull
Cars pass
And days last
To give life another way
And when detours increase
And feeling creeps back
Into the driver seat
You beat the traffic
And step on the gas
Last night life was fragile and soft
Full
Today I cry bull
Life is a mocker of
Dreams
Streams of crazed illusions
We live to love
To lose
But we feel
Deal and choose
To be
Head strong
Walking toward lengthy
Heartache
And stare it in the face
Like a hunter
Stalking
Pacing his prey
And in the end
It’s worth it
For that second
Minute
Of abundant joy
Boy, girl
To have known you
With smiles that light up
Brighten up
The night sky
Why
We ask
Silence responds
Life is fragile, soft
And just like the dawn
You take a breath
And you’re gone
A star in my sky
A car on my road
Vanilla in my coffee
A warning that
Life
so fragile, so soft
breaks
and leaves us
broken
-BDA 10-15-09
_::BREAKING::_
Life is…
Fragile and soft
And we all want to dot
Our I’s and cross our t’s
Pay our dues
Less they increase our fees
Rushing
Brushing off the minutes
Dismissing smiles
From strange family
Blandly drinking our coffee
We treat the day oddly
And we don’t greet
The way
Old friends do
Life so fragile and soft
Walking away
Pushing astray
Connections
Disregarding love
Memories
Letting go of affection
It slips away
Fades to grey
And all is uneventful and
Dull
Cars pass
And days last
To give life another way
And when detours increase
And feeling creeps back
Into the driver seat
You beat the traffic
And step on the gas
Last night life was fragile and soft
Full
Today I cry bull
Life is a mocker of
Dreams
Streams of crazed illusions
We live to love
To lose
But we feel
Deal and choose
To be
Head strong
Walking toward lengthy
Heartache
And stare it in the face
Like a hunter
Stalking
Pacing his prey
And in the end
It’s worth it
For that second
Minute
Of abundant joy
Boy, girl
To have known you
With smiles that light up
Brighten up
The night sky
Why
We ask
Silence responds
Life is fragile, soft
And just like the dawn
You take a breath
And you’re gone
A star in my sky
A car on my road
Vanilla in my coffee
A warning that
Life
so fragile, so soft
breaks
and leaves us
broken
-BDA 10-15-09
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
LOVE
This is why I love my husband.
I woke up Saturday morning to the best breakfast ever. This is what Edgar made for me:
Heehee. How did I get so lucky? It was YUMMY! Thanks bebeh!
I woke up Saturday morning to the best breakfast ever. This is what Edgar made for me:
Heehee. How did I get so lucky? It was YUMMY! Thanks bebeh!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
~JEWELYN~
Dearest Jewelyn,
I remember meeting you back in Dec. of 2006. You had the best smile. You were so happy, warm, friendly and easily likeable. You talked about your career as a teacher. I could tell you cared deeply about your kids.
Later you were married...and we talked about dresses and wedding locations. You offered me advice and off to David's Bridal I went.
Then you suffered a miscarriage and I had no idea about it until I shared my own loss with you. You reached out to me and offered me your advice and your support. I was moved that you decided to share your loss with me, and it meant everything to me. In a time where I felt so alone, you made me feel understood and you helped to validate all of my feelings.
I remember finding out you were expecting and I was overrun with emotion. I was ecstatic that you and Philip were expecting again and everything was going according to plan. Your maternity pictures were beautiful. YOU were beautiful.
You were my neighbor on Farm Town on Facebook. I remember when you would visit my farm and we would chat. We talked about many things, most importantly the wonderful baby you had growing in your belly. Your hope/love/life deferred--your little Gabrielle.
Jewelyn, you are no longer with us and I have felt so numb all day long. I cry on and off thinking of your husband Philip and how he must be so hurt to have lost you. How he must feel so conflicted about the fact that he now has a healthy baby girl, but no Jewels to help him raise her.
You will be missed immensely. You were kind, sincere, silly, honest and beautiful. I will never forget you dear Sushi. You are loved by many and we are all feeling your absence. Rest in peace my friend.
**********************************
To anyone looking to make a donation to Jewelyn's husband and to baby Gabrielle, you can do so via paypal to the following address: 4jewelyn@gmail.com
Anything will help, no matter how small the donation is.
I remember meeting you back in Dec. of 2006. You had the best smile. You were so happy, warm, friendly and easily likeable. You talked about your career as a teacher. I could tell you cared deeply about your kids.
Later you were married...and we talked about dresses and wedding locations. You offered me advice and off to David's Bridal I went.
Then you suffered a miscarriage and I had no idea about it until I shared my own loss with you. You reached out to me and offered me your advice and your support. I was moved that you decided to share your loss with me, and it meant everything to me. In a time where I felt so alone, you made me feel understood and you helped to validate all of my feelings.
I remember finding out you were expecting and I was overrun with emotion. I was ecstatic that you and Philip were expecting again and everything was going according to plan. Your maternity pictures were beautiful. YOU were beautiful.
You were my neighbor on Farm Town on Facebook. I remember when you would visit my farm and we would chat. We talked about many things, most importantly the wonderful baby you had growing in your belly. Your hope/love/life deferred--your little Gabrielle.
Jewelyn, you are no longer with us and I have felt so numb all day long. I cry on and off thinking of your husband Philip and how he must be so hurt to have lost you. How he must feel so conflicted about the fact that he now has a healthy baby girl, but no Jewels to help him raise her.
You will be missed immensely. You were kind, sincere, silly, honest and beautiful. I will never forget you dear Sushi. You are loved by many and we are all feeling your absence. Rest in peace my friend.
**********************************
To anyone looking to make a donation to Jewelyn's husband and to baby Gabrielle, you can do so via paypal to the following address: 4jewelyn@gmail.com
Anything will help, no matter how small the donation is.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Moving On...
Today I woke up and realized I was done waiting, so I called Kaiser because I am on CD 34 and I have clearly not ovulated. I tried to see when my doctor was available for an appointment and was told that she is what is commonly referred to as an "On Call" doctor or a "Same Day Doctor" and that she works for Kaiser only part-time. (Ohhhhkay). After I explained that I am on my second anovulatory cycle the nurse recommended another OBGYN who could actually follow up with me or possibly refer me to a fertility specialist. I went for it because I am tired of waiting from a response from my current OB. I am happy that I will be meeting with someone else, but the earliest appointment they had available is October 16th. I'm sure nothing is going to happen from now until then, but that means that on October 16th I will be on CD 57!!! Holy Monkeys. If I am given progesterone to induce my period again I fear it will be the worst EVER! This whole thing really blows chunks, but I am happy that I am going to see another OBGYN. I am hopeful that she will be willing to run tests to find out what is going on and well, I am sooo ready to move on. Crossing my fingers that Oct. 16 gets here fast. :)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Who Knew?!
I feel like this is turning into a bitching blog, so I would like to apologize to my readers. I did not intend for my blog to be this way, it has just turned out like that. Here goes.
I never knew there would come a day in my life where I would hope and pray that I would ovulate. Seriously, it's to a point where I don't care if I get pregnant or not, I just want my body to function as it should. If I can ovulate it will make me feel like someday we will be able to get pregnant and that really is enough for me right now, but if I don't that means something else is wrong and I will probably end up having to take some sort of fertility drug to be able to do so. It seems almost ridiculous that I am so concerned with it, but I am. No one tells you about this part of life. You just go through it and experience it. I feel like most people have this idea that when you and your husband decide to start a family you get it on and bing bang boom you get your BFP. For some of us, it is like that, for others this is a sad and cruel joke. I don't really know the point of this post except to release the frustration that is building up in my little TTC world. It is what it is, I have however decided with suggestions from Kim and Melinda to get PCOS testing during my cycle day 3 next cycle to see if my hormones are in check. We will see what happens. Right now I am on cycle day 26...I guess we'll see how long this cycle goes. CD 50 should be on Oct. 9th and that is when I have been instructed to contact my OB if nothing "happens". Man this is so frustrating. It has been 7 months since my loss. Can a girl get a break please?
See, even Zoomie thinks so!
I never knew there would come a day in my life where I would hope and pray that I would ovulate. Seriously, it's to a point where I don't care if I get pregnant or not, I just want my body to function as it should. If I can ovulate it will make me feel like someday we will be able to get pregnant and that really is enough for me right now, but if I don't that means something else is wrong and I will probably end up having to take some sort of fertility drug to be able to do so. It seems almost ridiculous that I am so concerned with it, but I am. No one tells you about this part of life. You just go through it and experience it. I feel like most people have this idea that when you and your husband decide to start a family you get it on and bing bang boom you get your BFP. For some of us, it is like that, for others this is a sad and cruel joke. I don't really know the point of this post except to release the frustration that is building up in my little TTC world. It is what it is, I have however decided with suggestions from Kim and Melinda to get PCOS testing during my cycle day 3 next cycle to see if my hormones are in check. We will see what happens. Right now I am on cycle day 26...I guess we'll see how long this cycle goes. CD 50 should be on Oct. 9th and that is when I have been instructed to contact my OB if nothing "happens". Man this is so frustrating. It has been 7 months since my loss. Can a girl get a break please?
See, even Zoomie thinks so!
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